My Vision
The Big Why behind my work.
I’d like to take you on a journey to tell you some things about the spiritual and psychological process we are going through as we grow from a newborn to an adult which provides an understanding for my inherent motivation to offer this work to the world.
Early development and our sense of oneness & separation
In our early years, especially the first 7 years of our life, we are inherently connected to a deeper spiritual state. A feeling of oneness, inclusion and wholeness.
We are living from our body, from our impulses, our intuition.
We are inherently curious, in a constant process of learning, discovering the world around us without knowing.
We are connected to the constant flow of life, our emotions flowing freely, true expression of our needs and desires.
We feel deep connection, deep alignment with life.
We still have access to our imagination and our higher spiritual abilities.
We still perceive ourselves as connected to our environment, to our family, to god, to source, to the universe.
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As we grow older we more and more learn to feel seperated, we get conditioned away from our body (intelligence), our inherent impulses, our deep feeling of connection and being loved - always.
Through experiences, through the things our family, school, society tells us.
As our brain develops more and more we are moving from a feminine consciousness towards a masculine. From feeling, sensing, being towards doing, understanding, thinking.
It is a natural process of mental development and societal conditioning that we are all going through as we are developing and growing up.
Authentic Self, Sensitivities and Protective Strategies
Simultaneously we are confronted with specific developmental tasks like developing a sense of Self, bonding and connection, autonomy, trust, attunement, having our own opinion, managing our feelings or relating to others.
Ideally, our environment and caregivers are providing conditions for us that help us integrating these aspects into our personality and make them part of our Authentic Self.
The Self with a capital S, Adult Self, Higher Self, Essence or however you want to call it. The core of your being. The One who you are if all the layers of hurt and protection are stripped away. Your original energetic imprint.
The Authentic Self, which in its essence is empathetic, flexible, comfortable, solid in itself, centred, available to others and which feels good to us - it is available to us at all times.
Over time we then develop into a human that has integrated all these tasks and as an adult has access to them without limitations. Setting healthy boundaries, caring for oneself, being able to connect with others authentically, having trust in oneself and the world and feeling safe to be in this world.
Unfortunately, conditions are not always optimal and our caregivers are also just humans. Therefore, we are confronted with disappointing and painful experiences where our basic needs are not met and we are not able to integrate our developmental tasks into our psyche and system.
Another layer is developed around our Authentic Self, which is called the Wounded Child or our Sensitivities.
Our body and mind keep record of these hurtful experiences and captures them. Usually most of the memories are unconscious though and only little have gained access to our conscious mind.
When we are later in life confronted with similar situations, these unconscious memories get activated and we experience the same hurt, pain, shame or guilt over and over again. The themes of our Sensitivities usually evolve around: being seen, being heard, belonging, speaking up, asserting ourselves, being free to be ourselves, being individuals or being safe.
As we are re-experiencing such violations and dissatisfactions in our adult life, we are transported back into the consciousness of the child who still carries the imprint of the original experience, which feels life-threatening to our psyche.
We are confronted with the literal fear of death.
To not feel it, we start to develop protective strategies as a next layer around our sensitivities. It is a way to make sure to not feel the pain and hurt that lies in the wound.
These can show up as hyper-independence and not relying on others or the contrary co-dependence, where it is difficult to navigate life on your own.
It can show up as an externalisation of security to the outside world, hoping that money, structures, a job or relationship will provide the security that is missing from the inside.
Protection also comes from over-caring for others, self-sacrificing, or being really successful and overachieving, perfectionism and doing everything right.
What we call our “personality” nowadays is actually just a conglomerate of our favourite protective strategies, that we have built around our core wounds to not feel the pain.
Think about it, every time you use the phrase “I am…”. What is the strategy that is being shown to you?
Those strategies are never fulfilling though and usually come with some sort of contraction or feeling of discomfort. We tend to feel these protections in our bodies, too. This is when we experience pain, numbness, contractions, or physical dis-eases.
The healing lies then in moving from the outside in, dissolving the layers of protection, feeling the hurt and pain, dissolving the necessity of the protection and making the energy that is stored in there available for the Authentic Self and really being our Selves.
Like that we are gently re-integrating all these parts of our self, that were once separated and somehow split and come back into integrity and authenticity.
The desire to come back to wholeness
As we are then moving through our life, the one thing that is driving us, that is motivating us, that is getting us going, is the deep desire to come back to this initial state of wholeness, love, worthiness. The sense of interconnectedness and deep aliveness.
Coming back to our Authentic Self.
We have it in our bones, we know how it feels like because we have experienced it when we were in the womb and little ones.
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This search or yearning manifests in various forms.
Some people strive for adventures to feel their aliveness, this sense of being at home in the body. The next kick, the next big thing to experience. To FEEL themselves.
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Some people try to have THE career, achieve the unachievable to feel worthy again and deserving, to come back to this feeling of being deeply loved and cared for. Through money, through validation, through acknowledgment from others.
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Some people try to find it in relationship, love, sex, intimacy. The deep feeling of connection and being deeply loved... but still it doesn't feel complete as it is coming from outside of us.
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Some people have given up and numb themselves with media, food, drugs,... just to not feel the excruciating pain of not feeling alive and not feeling whole anymore.
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There is a pandemic of feeling disconnected and unworthy happening in our world nowadays. A deep feeling of fear as the baseline of human existence as the consequence of being so disconnected from ourselves and source. And… we try to escape it. May we just not feel this!!
Our protective strategies are STRONG and whole societies are built around it.
The way how we grow up, what we are told is a “good” life, a “successful” life and a life worth living is simply based upon ways to not feel the pain of rejection, abandonment and separation.
Finding the love again within ourselves
In the end… it all comes back to re-connecting to this space within us that carries our authenticity, innocence, playfulness, love for life and joy. The ability to feel everything and not being afraid of the darkness, that resides within us as well.
To regain wholeness again from within. To remember all the parts of our existence, all the memories of ourselves. To reclaim these parts and come back into our power.
No one, no-thing, will come to save us. Will suddenly appear to rescue us from this deep pain within. The pain of being separated from ourselves and our connection to source. The immense loneliness that comes with it. As we are stumbling through life,
There is NO-THING in the external world to hold onto and rely our safety, our worthiness, our feeling of being loved, on.
In the end… everything will dissipate and is under the constant risk of change and through change, losing it.
This can be extremely scary.
And, understanding that there is nothing to hold onto, is the opposite to everything we’ve been taught.
Out of this fear of nothingness, of deep loneliness, of dissipation, we hold onto our careers, our relationships, our living situations, environments, loved ones or family.
Because… what will stay when all of this will fade away?
Terrifying, right?
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But… there is something within us, deeply within. That persists, that is unchangeable.
Even though it is not what you think it ist.
It is a deep state of inherent worthiness, always loved, always cared for, immeasurably abundant.
A deeper spiritual truth about the true nature of our being.
It is important to understand this.
Spirituality and Spiritual Evolution
As we are also maturing spiritually, it is almost as we are walking backwards. From this point here and now, we are turning towards the impacts and influences our development, our upbringing and our conditioning had on us.
It is a path of liberation of attachments, of conditioning, of places of tension and contraction, of unspoken contracts and agreements we have with ourselves, our families or the spirit world.
A journey of understanding our predicaments, so they can take their right place into our life. Through integrating our shadows, we can release the power, they have over us and slowly gently take our power back.
It is a path of love and slowness and gentleness. of savouring each and every aspect of this earthly existence and loving it dearly and fully.
A path where we look at all the places within ourselves that are not free yet from holding onto things or people or patterns because we are afraid of losing them, or what would be left of without them.
We look at all the places within ourselves that still tend to avoid pain, rejection, denial or criticism. Where we are under the constant control of our mental entities.
True liberation will only happen, when we truly let go.
A soft surrender back into the one big consciousness, loving softness, beingness, deep embodiment, feminine consciousness, harmony, wholeness.
A deep remembrance of who you truly are. Deep down at your core.
Spiritual. SPIRIT YOU ALL.
Pathways
Since thousands of years humans have developed various forms of liberation, self-realization and awakening.
In Asia the branches of Buddhism, Tantra and Yoga developed as effective systems to come back to our own sense of wholeness and realise our true nature.
Indigenous tribes in South and Central America have been using plant medicine as a means to come to a deeper understanding of who we are and heal and integrate scattered parts of our being.
Many places I traveled to, have a vibrant community of Ecstatic Dance, Kirtans and Workshops who all point back to your Essence, radiant aliveness.
In the end, there is no right or wrong way though.
It is all just different pathways that aim and guide towards the same thing. The deep remembrance of who you truly are.
Beyond form, constructs or identities.
WHO AM I? beyond it all?
All just different fingers though, pointing towards the same moon - don’t get lost in the finger though (aka method). Even my work is just one of many pathways to awakening and self-realization.
The BIG WHY behind my work, my mission, my dharma is to awaken YOU to your Authentic Self, as the human expression of the big ONE consciousness.
Your Soul chose to come to this world to experience itself as the big creator once again. Taking in the fullness of the human experience, SENSUALLY ALIVE, RADIANT, TRUSTFUL, CONNECTED, IN POWER, EMBODIED.
On the earthly dimension I believe that there sits a radiant, energetically alive and vulnerable Authentic Self at the core of your being, waiting for you to reconnect with it and living your life from your true power, love and authenticity.
— Squarespace